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Friday, November 2, 2012

Suitcases 2

Departing from Track 1:  Holiday at Home

Holiday, taking a break. It's the break that we long for: breaking with the present. your present state, your present habits. Why is it so hard to really see what mistakes you make and come up with better plans when you're staying at home?

It could be the fact that you stay in the same surroundings... But a little meditating, making a list of the pros and cons of your life, or even watching a movie or read book to help you look sharper and make up your mind, should be enough, shouldn't it? These things help you look at life from a different viewpoint. 
When I munch on these suggestions, there's two things coming up in me. Two big heavy metal balls, chained to my legs. 

First of all, in my same old surroundings... I don't FEEL different. I'm still covered with the gray dust of daily life and all these new ideas seem distant and unreal. So not applicable too little old me. Maybe I did manage to shake off the dust by putting my foot down and announcing that I am taking a break. Right here, right now... but somehow the dust, now floating through the air, is slowly coming down. Striving to get back to it's old place: all over me. 

Second, one very important ingredient is missing when you do your holiday at home: 'New People'.  
New people are a fantastic mirror to see how you are doing. Their response to you will tell you that.
And they'll help you feel about in yourself.... do I feel comfortable riding a bus, sitting next to Joe Sixpack. Do I feel at ease in a glittering dining room full of -allegedly- smiling people? Or am I just longing for the drone of the ocean waves, sitting next to a friend who doesn't mind that I keep quiet for a while?

Or let me rephrase it: one very important aspect about holidaying at home is that you're still surrounded by 'Old People',  people you know. and who know you! Now THAT is detrimental.... if you plan to change your course in life.

Have you ever heard of people, being firm friends  but getting into a feud during the trip they went on together? 

It doesn't have to happen.. it depends on the type of people you're dealing with, the character of the relationship you have.. 
Is it an open one, where unexpected things are welcome? Or are constancy and predictability King and Queen in your relationship? That has nothing to do with the type of relationship you have... man and wife, parent and child, customer and supplier, friend and foe  :) .

There simply is a certain type of people,  Ulrich Schaffer describes them so eloquently:
Sie wollten nicht die Herausforderung deiner inneren Stärke, nicht die Verunsicherung, die mit deiner Offenheit und Direktheit kam. Sie wollten dich profillos. Sie wollten dich grau und berechenbar.  
<<They didn't want the challenge of your inner strength, nor the uncertainty that came with your openness and directness. They wanted you without profile. They wanted you gray and predictable>>.

I know it's true. Changing your role, or rather the way you play your role, unnerves those around you.
Have you ever tried it? I have and it triggered heavy protests. The loudest from the people closest to me. Which is logical... they have fit you into their lives. Like with falling domino pieces, when you change, you force them to change their life too, though not more than a small part of it.  Which may not be bad -at all-  but just horribly uncomfortable for them.

Don't get me wrong... I love my old friends. 
Not all of them are like that... and those that are... they still are good people, nice people... but not capable of helping you when you are being critical about your own life. 
If their friendship is strong enough though... they will eventually calm down and admire the new you.

So, when these are the type of people that surround you.... they will discourage your plans to change.  By clouding your new viewpoint on life. By dragging your decisions into a thick mist, and by draining your determination to change before you had the chance to gather strength.

Hm, they will even do that if you go on a holiday 5500 miles from home... if you take these people along.
So what is essential to the success of your holiday is the luggage you take along... what do you put into your suitcase? And more importantly:  what do you leave out?

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