Trust3a: A Leap of Trust ...

For starters let's make it clear that in exploring trust I talk of a Giver and a Receiver. In a normal  relationship, these roles are alternating. Sometimes you give trust, sometimes you receive it.

When the Receiver is present, or at least communicating or 'delivering' [sounds horrible, but OK] ,trust can be reinforced easily. Especially when both parties prove to be trustworthy whenever they play the role of receiver. Their mutual trust will grow stronger and stronger, like becoming a diamond.

What happens in a relationship where there is little or no physical presence or communication? To name some very different situations:

- Trusting in a person who works far away from home and who cannot communicatie often?

- Trusting ... in your own life's fulfillment, your own worthiness, your ... name it. Your future being the thing that you believe in.

- Trusting in a God

That's where Trust has to be like Blind Faith. I'm not the only one who sees faith like that: from Collins reverso online dictionary: 

FAITH: strong or unshakeable belief in something, esp. without proof or evidence.

Faith is a leap in the dark. Or, if your belief IS unshakeable , a leap into a cloudy world? A walk on water.

What lacks is the feedback, the reinforcement. You don't rely on the others for current feedback, you rely on your previous experience with the other, counting on her constancy. Or on your own worthiness, being worth the loyalty of the other. -Yes: high self esteem is handy, even in faith.-

Now where have I heard about feedback mechanisms and reinforcement before?  I remember! During my study. I have studied medical biology and population biology (application of evolutionary models on plant or animal populations). Both disciplines work with models in which feedback is crucial for finetuning. Starting something is easy, but how do you make the action, the release of energy,  fit to its original prompt? By taking in the new signals from the one who gave uttered your cue... after you started your action.  With a positvie reaction, a stimulus, you continu what you were doing.  After a negative, inhibiting, message you'll decrease your activity, or cease it all together.

But how does one keep on having faith? There is no feedback to determine the wisdom of what you're undertaking... (or is taking under?). Without finetuning feedback it might stop or run out of hand?

Yet it exists and doesn't always cease or go out of control.

ACADEMIC DETOUR

Trust can be fitted nicely in a biological model, whereas faith does not. This reminds me of a parallel that I ran into, when I was a student. The statement, the assumption: “Altruism does not exist.”

Or at least, altruism defined as “unselfish concern for the welfare of others” does not exist.

In evolutionary models the individual with the most fit genes [best adapted to its environment] gets the highest number of healthy, reproducing, desendants. Over the course of time, this genetic variant becomes the dominant fenotype [the outer form by which we recognise a species] within a population. This process is called selection.

Behaviour, which also has a genetic base, is under the same selective pressure. The female grasshopper that eats her mate after copulation, builds up reserves to produce strong healthy eggs. This increases the chances of survival of the offspring. Any male that 'sacrifices' himself, will have more offspring than the quick men^* that escape from being the 'bridal cake'. Serving as a meal is not altruism, it is fitness!

Pure altruism does not fit into this model, hence biologists deny its existence. Altruism in biology is often reserved for kin selection: behaviour that at first glance may seem altruistic, since there is no clear relation to the survival of one's own direct descendants.

Helpful behaviour, from a natural selection viewpoint, should lead to survival of the own gene-variant.  (Genes are 'selfish'). Helping your children (50% of your own genes) is not altruistic behaviour, its selfishness of the genes. But your nieces and nephews still have a 25% share of your genes.  So do your grandchildren... helping them is not altruism either. That's what Haldane meant when he said  "I would lay down my life for two brothers or eight cousins". It is the kin selection theory.

I'm not behaving altruistic if I give food and clothes to my nephews or maybe one day to my grandchildren.

It is altruisim, when I walk out of the front door doubled up, so I won't harm the spider's web that occupies half the doorway. Altruism does exist, but it has no place in biological models.

HUMAN VIEWPOINT

As it happens we, living creatures, are not just machines, functioning as described by some flow chart. We are bodies immersed with a soul. Or, as I feel at times, a soul stuck in a rather crummy body. (Not the one I would have picked myself).

Our bodies are subject to natural laws, including those of natural selection, and our behaviour is influenced by that. If you feel threatened you either flee or fight, to make your genes survive and give them a chance to propagate. That is behaviour at the animal level: a primitive, selfish way of coping with difficult situations. No one will blame you for that.

But if you feel threatened and look at your adversary with a forgiving look, trying to find out what makes him behave like that, wanting to help him, your behaviour rises above the animal level: you become altruistic. Not fleeing or fighting, but helping. At your own risk, pure altruism.

At such a moment your behaviour has reached a higher, spiritual, level.

This level is not acknowledged in academic, biological circles. That doesn't mean it's not there. Have faith in me!

-to be continued ….

*Finally, I have proven that physical fitness does not guarantee fitness for life! Away with all fitness machines and workouts ...

Focus

I can never keep it straight. 
Does my camera have Autofocus or Outoffocus ?

Focus means dedication. Channeling your love -attention, energy-  to one or a
few important parts of your life.
The surrounding world is still there, as a vital part of your composition.  But your
location, lenses, diaphragm and shutter speed are all in concert for the subject of your focus.

How frustrating. The deeper the darkness, the longer the mirror will block your
view.Taking the orchestration out of your hands.
Take heart, for after sufficient exposure time, the light will flow back to you again. From focal point to finder.

Jo

.

Odd Friends and Other Non-Sequiturs

   It's definitely not spring time, it's freezing. And yet I'm thinking of follies, feel like playing pranks.

But then again, I never needed spring for that. Autumn is my favoured season.

   I'm not going to disclose all my premises that lead to this post. The fact that they were the 'driving' force behind it, is credit enough. You don't understand me? That can't be helped, there's a pleasure sure in being mad, which none but madmen know... [John Dryden,The Spanish Friar; 1681]

*****

I have tried and concluded that a datingsite is not the place where I make friends. It's like going to the beach. I do like the sea, but there's just too many people around. Too much exultation.

Friendship is energy, flowing between two persons. I make friends at small but headstrong brooks. I'm attrackted to their rippling laughter, their clashing and whirling. Am even prepared to break the ice that might still reside over them at the end of another winter.

Yet some of my friendships grew slowly, like a leak in a dyke, water seeping through sluice-gates.

Like it happened between Winston and me. I didn't even want to be his friend.

I was afraid of him. He could stare at me without conveying his annoyance. With me. So I did what I once heard was a great help against fear: just greet the person you're afraid of, calling him by his name. So every time I passed by, I said “Hello Winston” and greeted his friend as well. Hiding my fear.

Since Winston lived near the town center, where I do my shopping, I had to pass his house quite often.

And every time when he was is in his yard I repeated “Hello Winston.” That went on for a long time. Winston never said a word.

After two years, Winston's friend walked over to the gate. The friend had a much friendlier air about him, so I halted. The moment I stretched out my hand to him … his dinky little tail almost flew off from wagging it so enthousiasticly. How he loved being petted. In spite of all the mock chases he and his big black friend had been performing. Now Winston was really angry. With his most Rotweiler like stance, he stood over the old English Bulldog and sunk his teeth in him. I withdrew, casting worried glances over my shoulder to the smallest one, whom I had been calling 'Churchill' for two years now.

The next day a fit and healthy Churchill came running to the gate again, followed closely by Winston.

No sooner then that Churchill poked his snout through the gate, Winston stood over him, glaring at me.

If I wanted to pet the smaller dog, -which I did- I had to pet his leader first. My stomach tightened. In just a few seconds it would be determined. Whether I would go through life as the handless maiden or not. I raised my hand over the black head, Winston turned up his nose to sniff my palm, bringing his mouth closer into the bargain. Then it happened. He was wagging his tail too.

The problem with Winston is that he's possessive and jealous. I can still pet him, but I only do it when alone. With his front paws on the gate, he growls and bites at anyone who is with me or even close to me. He's not my 'easiest' friend.

So what, friendship comes in all shapes and sizes.

Forgive me , Giovanni Francesco di Bernardone, for adapting your prayer a little, but I think it's a befitting way to finish this seemingly non-sequiturial post.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I rather seek

to console as to be consoled;

to understand, as to be understood;

to cherish, as to be cherished.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.

It is through our fellow creatures

that we can honour and receive Your Love

Amen.

Writer's Block

My son's cat, a big white cat (8 kg ) named Mario, is a special case. 

He's like a Great Dane among the cats, and yet he has his fears... 

He's afraid of most men.  It's because of this habit that the vet gave the cat to my family 3 years ago. My son was 10, so my household was considered 'manless'.  Only an occasional visit from my brother disturbed the tranquility. It took Mario over a year to get used to my brother.

Apart from this fear of human men, Mario has an eating disorder and a drinking problem!

The cat's afraid of drinking water from a bowl, He can't see the level of the water and of course it varies at times. I've seen him stick his head in too deep. Causing him to inhale water through his nose and causing panic..  

However, Mario came up with a solution, single-handedly: he pushes his bowl across the floor with one paw. At one fell swoop. It makes the water dance  -and  me run for a towel.   When the movement of the water is somewhat subdued and regular, he looks for the surface by the changing reflection of the light. He peers and peers into his bowl and suddenly starts to drink. Without dipping his nose in!

My son witnessed the birth of the eating 'disorder'. When Mario was with us only a couple of days he almost choked on one of his cat cookies. He was rescued by my son. 

I didn't know that. But I noticed some odd behaviour.... whenever I came out of the bathroom, Mario would be sitting close to the door. On seeing me, he'd rise and walk to 'his' room, mewing. Looking over his shoulder to check if I was following him. At his bowl with cookies he would stop, mew and check again if I were there and only then he would start to eat. The amount of cookies in the bowl hinted that he hadn't eaten them all day.  As if he had been waiting for someone to be present when he ate. 

When my son and I 'compared notes' we could only conlcude that Mario is afraid of choking on his cookies and therefore wants one of us to be present when he eats them.

Don't tell me that animals can't think. This cat came up with solutions for his own fears. He even knew how to recruit others to help him. A completely different species.