The Impatient Gardener

For years she had kept the tending of her garden to a minimum. But there was no more escaping it: the garden was getting overgrown. The weeds that had been blown in and settled uninvitedly were now choking the plants that were put in by choice. It was time to get out the gloves, pruner and spade.  Time to make room again for beauty and harmony.

It wasn't an easy job, but she got it done with the help of a friend. The heavy physical work she had enjoyed. It was harder when she ran into the little plastic pots with plants her mother chose a year ago, before her illness forced her to move out. The plants were left unattended, only one little 'Broken Heart' survived.  The daughter decided the Broken Heart could stay. Funny, she now realised that most of the plants she had ripped out of the ground and thrown on the pile outside her garden were plants her mother had chosen. Her mother had always been the one who arranged the garden.

But now the daughter was  in charge of it herself, being very critical as to which plants were allowed to stay. Surprisingly few.  That at least gave room to put in a lot of new "choicelings".  She went down on her knees and dug little holes in the black earth to plant the seeds she had bought, or put in the small cuttings her friends had donated.    Doing so was fun, she had visions of what they would be like, once they were full grown.
She got up, scratched, sore and dirty, her work all done for now. With a satisfied sigh she looked at the result.  Her mental picture of a sweet scented place rich in colors  is gone, ridiculed  by the dark and barren state the garden was in now. It was even less inviting than when it was overgrown.

That is the trying part of being a gardener... putting in hard work and hours of tending seeds that are invisible, somewhere in the cold earth. You have no guarantee that they will turn out as magnificently as you hoped for.
There's no luscious shade, scent or color now. And you cannot dig up the seeds to see if the roots are promising you any success.  If you would...they'd die.  There's only blind trust and loyalty to see you through this time of starting a new life.

Jo

Pit(y) or Well?

pit (n.1)

"hole," O.E. pytt "water hole, pit," from W.Gmc. *puttjaz "pool, puddle" (cf. O.E. putti, O.N. pyttr, Du. put, Ger. Pfütze), early borrowing from L. puteus "well, pit, shaft." Meaning "abode of evil spirits, hell" is attested from early 13c. Pit of the stomach (1650s) is from the slight depression there between the ribs.

pit (v.)

mid-15c., "to put into a pit," from pit (n.1); especially for purposes of fighting (of cocks, dogs, pugilists) from 1760. Figurative sense of "to set in rivalry: is from 1754. Meaning "to make pits in" is from late 15c. Related: Pitted; pitting. Cf. Pit-bull terrier, first recorded 1945. This also is the notion behind the meaning "the part of a theater on the floor of the house" (1640s).

pit (n.2)

"hard seed," 1841, from Du. pit "kernel, seed, marrow," from M.Du. pitte, ultimately from W.Gmc. *pithan-, source of pith (q.v.).

I'm interested in the concept of  wells, wateringholes or pits. THey're so important: life giving. Yet they obviously have a bad reputation. It is this ambiguity that fascinates me.  If I have any faithful readers, they might know that I like to point at the weakness of things that are usually regarded as positive and I like to throw some good light over supposedly dark matter. I'm now feeling trapped by my own thinking... 

Suffering, being down, feeling depressed does it serve a purpose? Can it really bring good to anyone. Others or myself? 

Do I really find beautiful gems at the bottom of the well where I reside, or am I only learning to get out of it by closing my eyes for the truth, for my mistakes? Is my 'belief'  an empowering faith or is is just a fancy way of lying to myself... 

It's something I am writing about, in my head. Maybe in a day or so I will be able to write about it on my blog.... I have thinking and feeling and sorting to do. 

Which I will start right now :)

Jo

Let me put it straight

Let me try to keep it short and sharp...

When I talk about Knowledge versus True Knowledge... I make the following distinction:

What is socially accepted as knowledge is 'reasoning', calculating, extrapolating. The type of thinking we learn at school and university.  Reasoning is made up of theory and theory contains assumptions that might be wrong... unless someone smart built his theory on True Knowledge :)

Reasoning should actually be called 'believing'  and the theory is just a way to persuade ourselves to believe in our socially accepted knowledge, our conformistic state.

True Knowledge is an inexplicable insight. It is there suddenly, often accompanied by a physical experience rather that words or reasoning. It's a gut feeling, the prickling in your thumbs, the curling of your toes. It comes in a flash, it's a hunch.
It is not the thought that comes up when you are afraid. Fear blocks True Knowledge.
 "Fear is a poor advisor", keep that in mind. It can make you do silly things.  So, when Fear is giving you advise, just look it in the eye and say "I know who you are. And I'm not falling for your trick. I'll think about things when this wave of panic is over."
A quote from "Conversations with God"  is more appropriate: "from a peaceful mind do great ideas flow – ideas which could be solutions to the  biggest problems you imagine yourself to have"
True Knowledge might be like telepathy... It is quick and powerful.  Hard to grasp. It may send you a warning, but it doesn't put you in a fearful state!

My experience is that working from those flashes of True Knowledge, quick insights, actually gives energy. That's why I like to get into situations where I have to rely on that. Impro sessions, getting lost in a town I don't know, writing about something from my instincts, without thorough research. The sense of heightened energy that you have in those moments where you apply your intuition with success. It is then that  my acting and thinking are flowing together in concert, no clash but harmony.

Whenever I feel numb or overworked I long for quick short meetings with people I never met before. That's why I like going into Amsterdam. Just to look at 'new' people, people I have no relation with,  I have no past with. Because this track record makes me adapt my behaviour. When going through  busy streets, all I need to do is smile and have people smile back at me. Understandingly and ... Knowingly.  Is that why a smile can work wonders? Because it comes fom the same land (i.e. part of the brain or psyche) as True Knowledge?


If a smile is not enough for you:  talk to strangers. First talks and once-in-a-lifetime meetings are always so different, they can be so spontaeous and honest. If you don't mind that your story enters the life of someone you'll never meet again.  Enjoy those opportunities.




OK, I'm being negative on the knowledge that we as a society build up.  It can be correct too, especially because many 'gut feelers'  work on bending it straight.But.. I just mean to say: it is not as good and holy and faultless as some people may tell you. Take it with a grain of salt.
When there is a split up between what you've been taught, what you can come up with by reasoning,  and what you feel deep inside,  give this deep inside feeling a chance. It deserves that respect.

Loneliness

Introduction

   I have introduced to you Wisdom, Love, Forgiveness and even True Knowledge  with capitals, as if they are persons. And I told you they are good friends. As are Trust and Honesty.

In False Friends I introduced some of their antagonists: Fear, Greed and Obedience.

But what about Loneliness? Where does she belong? She feels awful, but that doesn't mean she's bad. Obedience sounds good to a lot of people, yet I believe that that is a bad trait. 

Loneliness...  I remember a friend of my mother, a refugee who wrote poems. He wrote "Loneliness, don't be afraid. For I am always with you."    It sent shivers down my spine. 

 

Definition

   In English the stem of the word seems to be lone. While in dutch alone  = alleen, in-zijn-eentje  and lonely  = eenzaam.  The dutch stem must be een (one), a lost L appearing in alleen. [the 2nd L is there for grammatical reasons]

In dutch we play with the word alleen: saying it is al-een, all-one. All is present in One: you are complete. Not accompanied by others, yet not lacking.
'Een-zaam' (~zaam  equals ~some) lacks the 'all'-part. Incomplete.

So being alone is not as bad as being lonely.  I guess you already felt the difference between the two.

Let's ask  Collins...  I gave a special color to the descriptions that are given to one word only.

lonely  

1    abandoned, destitute, estranged, forlorn, forsaken, friendless, lonesome, outcast  

2    alone, apart, by oneself, companionless, isolated, lone, single, solitary, withdrawn  

3    deserted, desolate, godforsaken, isolated, off the beaten track     (informal)   out-of-the-way, remote, secluded, sequestered, solitary, unfrequented, uninhabited

alone  

1    abandoned, apart, by itself, by oneself, deserted, desolate, detached, forlorn, forsaken, isolated, lonely, lonesome, only, on one's tod     (slang)   out on a limb, separate, single, single-handed, sole, solitary, unaccompanied, unaided, unassisted, unattended, uncombined, unconnected, under one's own steam, unescorted  

2    incomparable, matchless, peerless, singular, unequalled, unique, unparalleled, unsurpassed 

The pink words, used for alone only, are positive. All about being capable of doing things by yourself, even being better than others.  The pun ''all-one" is quite accurate.

The red words, reserved to describe lonely, are negative, speaking of being without friends, being a stranger, being destitute.. which means you are far from complete.

The third row of definitions for lonely are mostly about [geographical] isolation: unreachable. Not unsurpassable as in alone, but simply not easy to reach, not easy to touch.... 

Hmmm... touch... isn't that what we miss when we are lonely?  Someone touching you, your soul? Be it physically , or at least spiritually if there is no other way, And likewise you not being able to touch someone.  

Loneliness is the state of not being touched by  -and not touching-  those who treasure you; that's it for me!

 

False friend or True friend?

False friends like Fear, Greed and Obedience make you do bad things. Does Loneliness make you act rotten? Not necessarily, it all depends on how you deal with her.

Fear, Greed and such-like may cause you to run into Loneliness, because people will give up on you if you drive it too far. 

Loneliness is really weird to be with... how can you be lonely when you have her as company? How can she claim she is lonely when she's with you? Is she a liar? Far from it. Loneliness is full of truth... maybe too full for you?

Miss Loneliness  photo by JALF

Loneliness  is painful to be with... HER touch is cold. If you do not have the right stamina, a strong attitude or belief in better times,  then Loneliness can drive you crazy, make you go from bad to worse. But is  that her fault? Or your own response, your own responsibility?

Loneliness undresses you, makes all your frills and glitter and jewelry turn to ashes. There you are... facing the bare facts of your life.
Loneliness gives you the chance to move from hobbling through life with your eyes closed to living with your eyes open. She has removed all distractions and camouflage nets. Giving you the chance to see your goals, if you have the heart to look over the smouldering cinders. Once you've seen them, you can work your way towards them with the strongest sense of direction!

Loneliness is not an easy lady to be with. And you don't want to visit her for a long time. But when you meet her and have the courage to look her in the eye, she is a True Friend

Jo