Judgmental

Alas, this is a true story ...

My son is a thrill seeker, his body is not apt to give him any warning signals. Worse, if he sits still for too long his body is giving him hardly any signals... so he craves movement, speed, danger...

I am the opposite. I hate speed and the slightest touch or just being moved about frightens me. And such a 'slow mow' as I am... terrible. Looking after my son when he was a toddler  was more than an ordinary challenge for this single mom. 

My son did have his 'safe distance' as all toddlers have... the maximum distance that a child moves away from his mother, when out on the street and not corrected by an overprotective mom.  His safe distance was around 150 meter  [ 492.1259842519685 Feet  :))  ]  And he didn't respond to audio cues, he preferred visual information.  Can you imagine a two year old, not apt to listen and with his back turned towards his mom... How much time would it take to stop him if he was about to do something dangerous? 

Way too much, so that's why I took my son out on a leash, a toddler's leash. Oh, the comment people gave me. From the jokes about him being trained as a dog or us playing horsey, to downright denigrating remarks, that I was being insensitive and cruel. That my kid would learn nothing from this.... 
I just hated this short sightedness of others. How stupid can you be, judging someone else based on such little information,  on looks alone... it marred my shopping trips.



I didn't just take my son out on his leash for shopping, the time when mother's get absorbed in their surrounding and take a risk at neglecting their child. I even took him out like that for our little walks to a nearby 'park'...  an overgrown stretch of grass, with a few large trees, benches and a broad ditch..

On a beautiful autumn day I went to this park, my high spirited child hanging in his harness like a sled dog in training. From a distance I noticed him, with his girl friend.. They were sitting close to one another on the first bench of the park.  I tried to decide on what to do... crossing the street was impossible, too much traffic. I could take the part of the sidewalk that ran past the park instead of through it, but even that was too obvious.. the best thing, I figured, was to walk past as quickly as I could and swallow the remarks about the leash, forgetting about them as quickly as I could. Because no doubt this huge punk with his lugubrious Gothic clothes would make the meanest remarks ever...
I took a deep breath and geared up, which wasn't hard thanks to my son pulling at his leash. 
Yes, I was right... just as I passed the couple, the guy looked away from his girl friend. His eyes first rested on my son, then he looked me in the eye...
"Good for you ma'am, that you use a leash. My mom used it for me and it saved my life".

Back at the Well

Dear God,

there I am again, fallen on my face, lying down at the bottom of the well. Bleeding and sobbing. Deservedly so.

I didn't trust you. I summed up my dreams to you. But didn't really expect you to help me fulfill them. Or not in time anyway... MY time, the timespan calculated with my negative worldly viewpoint. I forgot how short sighted that is and went ahead to meet my deadline. I am facing it now... the first four letters taunting me.

I ripped my dreams out of your hands and set out to fulfill them myself. In a way so calculating and free from surprises, I left no room for romance, love and adventure. The detours that I love so dearly were cut off from my map. I was being the tour operator and forgot that tourists like scenic routes, not freeways embedded in sound screens.

My hands are incapable, my 'drive' is all gone. Except for a few tiny flames. The flames I wanted to see soaring high, but that I almost quenched. Did you preserve them for me? I thank you for it. 
 

Regaining Sight

These little flames are the pilot lights in the darkness I have called upon myself. By thinking I should build dreams on my own. These lights are my true fulfillment, and my hopes for them will guide me back to you. For without trust and comradeship with you, this 'undertaking' is void of color. 
 

I hereby give you my dreams and again I will not ask you to help me fulfill them. Because I TRUST you to do so.

The Woman at the Well

(c) Alette Stoutenbeek

John4: 3 -29

Written for the “Start Sunday” of my church
dutch version here.

In the room we are going to focus on the story depicted

in this icon: the woman at the well. The icon is painted

by Alette Stoutenbeek, who has been painting icons

for several years now and even teaches it.

There are strict rules for painting icons. One of those

rules is that there's an element it that symbolizes Easter.

In this icon it's the well, which has the shape of a cross.

At first I felt disappointed about it, because I wanted

the well to be the focal point of the meditation.

However as I started to write I discovered that this

just fits in beautifully.

A well is a fantastically fascinating place. It's a place where sadness and joy come together. Like at the cross that signifies the suffering and dying of Christ, while it's also a symbol of his resurrection.

You go looking for a well because you are thirsty. Or maybe you are taking good care of yourself and you want to prevent getting thirsty. And at the bottom of the well is the water that you need to pull through, to carry on.

The well, as seen in this picture, is more than just the water, the headspring. It means others have been therre before you. When the well wasn't there yet, they dug a pit and built the well, making it easier for you to find and reach the water.

Not so long ago I was deeply down in the dumps, or as the dutch would say: sitting in the “put” [ = pit or well ], so a friend told me “Cheer up Jo. I've been there so often. Try to let your path unfold with little steps, don't force it. And keep your eyes open for the beautiful surprises of life” Those words impressed me, especially because I was so thirsty. I repeat them over and over, even now that I'm well out of the well. When my friend was thirsty he had to dig deep for water and built this well. Making it easier for me to drink the water that I so desperately needed.

A meditation about the story of the woman at the well. It's in John 4. Most of us will know the story.

The icon depicts the samaritan woman. Here she's standing. In other paintings she's often kneeling down, her position lower than Christ, whom she runs into as he is sitting at the well. Her low position expresses her modesty, her sense of shame. That she harbours these feelings is obvious from the words in the bible. She's surprised about the fact that Jezus is asking her for water. She's used to people looking down on her and has adopted the sense of shame that her environment thinks 'befitting' her.

Yet there is this beautiful power running through her. She's straight and honest. She points out that she's a samaritan, that she feels uncomfortable about a Jew accepting something to drink from her. And she admits she's not married. She could have said her husband was away on a journey. This woman is a very social person. She gives Jezus what he wants. She doesn't like being alone, so she lives with her 5^th partner! Accepting the negative consequences thereof. And finally, at the end of the story, she shares her happiness and the good news with others.

No doubt she'll have her moments of being down caused by all the criticism of her environment and of being critical about herzelf. That is when she's coming down at the well The jug is empty, going down. Good for her that she reaches the water, a full jug is moving up again. Alas, this will only satisfy for a while. Repeatedly her thoughts reach the same point, she's being thirsty again and kneels down at the well.

Today there's a man sitting by the well and he treats her with respect. He's not looking down on her and accepts her gift. Admitted, he had to coax her to give it to him. He knows her . Not her role in her society, or her -lacking- worldly success, but the sensitive, loving woman behind all of that, the woman that she IS. It's God's message: I knew you before you were born. I can see through all those layers and I love what's behind them. That is the person I created.

The woman is receptive to the message. One can see the change coming over her. Instead of needing encouragement to hand out water, she's now being generous by herself. She goes back into her village, where she's sharing the good news with others. She's full of charm now, her magnetism has changed. When she comes back to the well it's not because of thirst. She's guiding others who want to drink from that same water, that will ban thirst forever. Did you notice? She's no longer alone.

The water Jezus spoke of is God's unconditional Love for us. A love that sees right through our social standards to our soul.

God knows as no other that here on earth we are often pushed into a playing a part we didn't choose. Or didn't choose consciously. Which often puts us in a situation that tempts us to act in a way that we're accustomed to call 'sinful' . God is not so narrow minded that he'll let his love for us depend on that. He loves us anyway. Any way. Our part or position are no longer a curse, something to be ashamed of, something that would make you 'unloveable'.

Because of God's unconditional love our place on earth is no more than a challenge to see how far we can get. In learning to live from a deep well of power: Love.

God's second largest command is “love thy neighbour as you love yourself”. Sometimes the focus is misplaced and people make it sound like “love thy neighbour more than yourself” and “be good for your neighbour or else ...” God allows you to love yourself just as much and as unconditional. He wants you you to, because without it you will get depressed and tied down, making you incapable of taking care of your fellow creatures. That is what being 'bound by sin' means and you'll be free from this if you understand those words of Jezus and accept them. Not that you will never commit a sin again... It just means that the act does not make less as a person. You will still be loved inspite of it. Once again: God knows WHO you are, he sees through all thelayers... amd loves you. He's inviting us, through Jezus, to do the same. With our neighbours and ourselves.

Love is patient and kind.

Love knows neither envy nor jealousy.

Love is not forward and self-assertive,

nor boastful and conceited.

She does not behave unbecomingly,

nor seek to aggrandize herself,

nor blaze out in passionate anger,

nor brood over wrongs.

She finds no pleasure in injustice done to others,

but joyfully sides with the truth.  

She knows how to be silent.

She is full of trust, full of hope,

full of patient endurance.

[1 Corinthians 13;4-7]

Discussion:

1) Would you ever go back to the well again if you were convinced beyond doubt that all your difficult moments harbour something good? Like the chance -for you or someone else- to grow spiritually.

Would you ever go back to the well again if you were convinced beyond doubt that God loves you? Whether directly or through someone else on earth, even though your part in life is but a small one?

In other words, would you ever be down again, if you felt loved or had a sense of fulfilment all the time ?

2) Actually... the well is a beautiful spot. Because it's only when we aren't happy, but thirsty, we start searching for our power, recognise it and embrace it. Could we be happy, if we weren't unhappy from time to time?

Homework:

1) When you are down in the dumps, check your thoughts. Are they yours, or are you applying the world's rules on yourself ?

2) When you run into someone who is thirsty, very thirsty ... dig way deep, for the soul of this 'Samaritan' . Through the layers of our society, until you the person that God sees. With all this digging you build the well the other can drink from.

Or tie an extra long rope to your jug, so you can be sure to reach the living water no matter how deeply tucked away in the other. There is clear water in everyone, but in some it's further down.

You might like to read Sirach 11:1-13

JoAnne Lakefield

The Impatient Gardener

For years she had kept the tending of her garden to a minimum. But there was no more escaping it: the garden was getting overgrown. The weeds that had been blown in and settled uninvitedly were now choking the plants that were put in by choice. It was time to get out the gloves, pruner and spade.  Time to make room again for beauty and harmony.

It wasn't an easy job, but she got it done with the help of a friend. The heavy physical work she had enjoyed. It was harder when she ran into the little plastic pots with plants her mother chose a year ago, before her illness forced her to move out. The plants were left unattended, only one little 'Broken Heart' survived.  The daughter decided the Broken Heart could stay. Funny, she now realised that most of the plants she had ripped out of the ground and thrown on the pile outside her garden were plants her mother had chosen. Her mother had always been the one who arranged the garden.

But now the daughter was  in charge of it herself, being very critical as to which plants were allowed to stay. Surprisingly few.  That at least gave room to put in a lot of new "choicelings".  She went down on her knees and dug little holes in the black earth to plant the seeds she had bought, or put in the small cuttings her friends had donated.    Doing so was fun, she had visions of what they would be like, once they were full grown.
She got up, scratched, sore and dirty, her work all done for now. With a satisfied sigh she looked at the result.  Her mental picture of a sweet scented place rich in colors  is gone, ridiculed  by the dark and barren state the garden was in now. It was even less inviting than when it was overgrown.

That is the trying part of being a gardener... putting in hard work and hours of tending seeds that are invisible, somewhere in the cold earth. You have no guarantee that they will turn out as magnificently as you hoped for.
There's no luscious shade, scent or color now. And you cannot dig up the seeds to see if the roots are promising you any success.  If you would...they'd die.  There's only blind trust and loyalty to see you through this time of starting a new life.

Jo