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Thursday, March 19, 2015

Afraid to let go of your fear?

  Odd ... I was waiting for the bus home from work, in the fading sun light, looking at the tell tale signs of spring all around me... and I felt happy. Not just inebriated by spring, but with a strong sense of belonging. Free of fear...

    That is odd, I thought . I'm counting down the number of days I still have my job and soon I'll be unemployed. I'm not supposed to be happy, I'm supposed to be sad and afraid of this new episode of being poor [according to the standards of my country] and stuck, looking for work. And a line came back to mind, a line I recently picked as new column theme: "Are you afraid of letting go of fear?"

    The general thought is that we fear fear. This tight circle can cause panic attacks.  And the best way to deal with it is to tell your panic wave to just come, knock you out, because you know you'll survive it.     Not giving in to your fear just dis-empowers it.
    So, we all dislike fear, right? At it's worst, we are afraid of it. We'd never love it. The catch phrase "Are you afraid of letting go of fear?"  makes no sense at all.

    I dare you... to entertain the idea that we have learned to love our fears. We're clinging to it, thinking it protects us from danger, from doing stupid things. It taught us how to behave and the reward was being accepted by others.  Fear is being rewarded!! Fear creates safety, which is valued highly.

     Fear is the fence along the path of human civilization, keeping weed and dirt off our footpaths, so that we can walk safely and cover greater distances. But we walk within boundaries, away from the perfume and colors of flowers and the invigorating scent of healing herbs.

    We use fear to structure the way we connect to one another It begins with the popular ways of raising our children,  by reprimanding, rebuking, isolating, withholding rewards. And we even have universities for it. Where we study law, our venerated consensus about the proper punishment for misbehaving.
    Having punishment advocated by our educational system and the law means we accept the use of fear as a tool. how can we ban 'terrorism'  when we use fear ourselves as the base for structuring our society. It's a contradictio in terminis.

    I'm not advocating that we live recklessly and give room to boundless selfishness, but that we replace fear by Joy, Love and Respect. This is what gives strength to our wings, the wings of our hearts, imaginations and souls. It's the root of sharing and helping,
    I'm not alone in this, thank God, and I hope that the "Army" of those who live without fear, and full of compassion instead, will grow in numbers all over the world.


“Being empathic means: "To be with another in this way that for the time being you lay aside the views and values you hold for yourself in order to enter another's world without prejudice. In some sense it means that you lay aside your self and this can only be done by a person who is secure enough in himself that he knows he will not get lost in what may turn out to be the strange or bizarre world of the other, and can comfortably return to his own world when he wishes. Perhaps this description makes clear that being empathic is a complex, demanding, strong yet subtle and gentle way of being.”
Carl R. Rogers  (quote from

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, 
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking 
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory 

of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

Return to Love, Harper Collins, 1992.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Change of Address

I have moved, exchanging my spacious home for a small apartment, just big enough for myself. Because of it I had to leave many things behind, but that's no problem. Or rather... that was the whole point!

My spacious house held many visitors. With the abundance of empty space they felt free to drop off their belongings, causing a cacophony of opinions, demands, constraints, rules and reprimands. So loud it became impossible for me to hear my heart song or find my own authentic voice.

Now I snuck out and moved into this teeny tiny apartment, overlooking the city, with a gorgeously wide open sky above it. I'll be staying here alone for a while, to find back my own voice, but soon the door will be open again. For my real friends. 
 They won't mind the stairs are too narrow for their suitcases, because they don't want to drag it all upstairs to leave it for me to tend to. Or to open it up and spill the unwanted content over my living room floor. 
My friends just come for exchanging ideas, comparing experiences and sharing laughter and tears.

I hope they will smile and hug me long and honestly as I -and I alone- will open the door for them. And that when we part it will be to live through new adventures to share.