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Monday, November 14, 2016

Reconnecting with the Soul

The Soul-woman within me
should be resting
in my sacral cradle.

Make her mystic meals
in the abdominal cavity
and do her life's  work
right here from the heart.

But she is not
She is held captive
high up in the tower 
past its ivory gates

I'll have to drive my dragon-bike
from Chicago to L.A.
breaking barriers to set her free

Energy and mood cycles (1)

Part 1: Too much of a good thing

High, down, blessed with that fingertip feeling [fingerspitzen gefuehl] or humming your heart song while you are working hard. These feelings don't come by by chance. They are linked to how well you live up to your potentials.
It took me many myofascial headaches, nerve compression and a burn out to realize these feelings and energetic states don't belong to one but to three separate cycles. And I'm the one to decide which I'm entering.

The actual eye opener was an unpleasant physical response. First to resting several times per day, part of a therapy to reduce the tension in my muscles, and some time later to a meditation exercise.
Resting did not make me feel relaxed, it caused me to feel overexcited and during the night I had palpitations and strong pulsations in my muscles, making me toss and turn for hours each night. In a few days the resting schedule had worn me out. I preferred my regular level of tension and wondered if the palpitations and pulsations in my muscles were symptoms of withdrawal. From stress, adrenaline.

So I exchanged resting, while letting thoughts bubble up freely, for lying down and reading. Triggered by the idea of withdrawal symptoms I chose a book of Jan Geurtz: “Addicted to Thinking” [Verslaafd aan denken] . It's interspersed with exercises, called contemplations, that consist of observing an object and if possible, yourself while you are observing the object. Any thought that comes up should not be suppressed or judged, nor should you let yourself be distracted by the thought. Just let it happen, let it go.
I got a real kick out of it. The idea of how I full I am of experiences of tea cups that it makes it hard for me to 'see' it without relying on memories... knowing how smooth it is, how strong, heavy, hollow... these are qualities I could not see, these are characteristics I've learned about through use, in the past. Yet I apply them to each new cup I see... My personal life interfering with my observations. It triggered all kinds of associations, with Jung's psychology and the energy one gets from practicing non-directive, non-judgmental, play techniques like improv and Son Rise.Even how judging and labeling take away our energy and bar us from what we actually feel and want.
My fingers were aching to write all this down, but I had to stick to the rules of the exercise and decided to treat the creative thoughts like pain: accepting them, without repressing them or using them. New thoughts began to succeeding other at an exponentially increasing rate until I felt I was in a storm of creative ideas. A brain storm, literally.
My body became agitated and I could no longer lie down. I felt restless and high, like I could turn every thought into a brilliant project. Not unlike a manic episode in which one embarks on too wild or too many good plans. And also like the physical agitation I had felt due to my resting schedule.

This feeling of being high, being on the end of a string that someone is swirling around over his head, came back under different circumstances. My son was surfing Internet for universities and studies, while discussing the options with me. I loved some of his choices , wishing I had had the chance to explore studies like that. He just went on searching more options and I drank in each idea... becoming intoxicated, agitated and finally ... we began to quarrel. The second time we started another brainstorm about studies, I recognized the symptoms and backed out in time, before happy became high. Yet the mutual brainstorm, with my son making the decisions on his own, proved my theory was far from crazy.... letting ideas pop up without acting upon any of them, gives me an unhealthy explosion of energy, which has no way to go except to disturb me physically.

If I want to pursue a creative career, it had better not be about generating ideas for others, without working any of them out by myself.

Next post will be about the red cycle, repressing your ideas.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Animals needing help.

I got another urgent mail from Michelle of the L.A. Rabbit Foundation. It seems that bunnies keep coming in at the shelter.  From the Netherlands it's hard to help, but maybe you, dear reader, can?

Please visit:

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Strictness does not create powerful children

Have you been raised by the rule of finishing your plate, to be allowed your desert?  To finish your home work before being allowed to play?

This is supposed to turn children into adults who do not shrink from duty, even if it's not a nice thing to do.
But that's not the outcome....

It implies that all nasty tasks will pay off in something nice.  But life is not like that. Sometimes you work your a.. off  and you're NOT rewarded, life just keeps on sucking.

You were trained in task setting being done for you and that rewards are also coming to you from outside... you were trained to depend on the world around you.

If you were raised wiser, you would have been allowed to follow your own instincts, so you could learn where your judgment failed you,  so you could sharpen it. You would have learned to trust your own heart and that your ideas matter.  The self confidence that we need as adults.
And as for rewards... you should have learned that the joy of working on something that's connected to your soul and pride over your own endeavor, are the rewards...   Even if you tried and failed.. so you may try again!
No dependency on the society or world around you! It doesn't make a person anti social, but simply more confident. And confident people are healthier and function better.

The adage of finishing your plate first, and do your homework first can have even worse consequences ....
It may spoil your joy of doing something totally unimportant but fun... because oh, you haven't done anything boring before that. Which is your habit. Or there are unfinished tasks lying around...
And you may be a habtiual teeth grinder, working hard at finishing the job before resting... causing a burn out at age 50.

Play first and use the energy it gives to do what really must be done later on. If it still needs to be done! Some matters solve themselves over time.

The Bringer of Good Tidings

The bearer of bad news takes the risk of being killed.
But what about the bearer of good news?

It's easy to mistake the messenger for the message. Or at least to see them as a package deal.
I mean, we're only  human mammals.  Like the dogs of Pavlov, who knew the bell and food were connected - for a while at least.  Until the bell tolled but there was no food.
How long did it take the dogs to stop thinking of food at the sound of the bell?

How easy is it to lose your heart to the person who brings good news. Someone who makes you happy tends to become special, especially if you are surrounded by negativity ...   but it was the message you had to cling to, the information was something to incorporate in your life.
The messenger may hang around for a while. For a rest, or out of curiosity. But as a general rule (s)he is not connected to you nor to the message and thus is not meant to stay in your life. Be smart and don't focus on the bearer of good tidings while letting what they delivered grow stale.
Because ... do you have any idea how much it may cost you to get over letting go of the messenger?