Search This Blog

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Strictness does not create powerful children

Have you been raised by the rule of finishing your plate, to be allowed your desert?  To finish your home work before being allowed to play?

This is supposed to turn children into adults who do not shrink from duty, even if it's not a nice thing to do.
But that's not the outcome....

It implies that all nasty tasks will pay off in something nice.  But life is not like that. Sometimes you work your a.. off  and you're NOT rewarded, life just keeps on sucking.

You were trained in task setting being done for you and that rewards are also coming to you from outside... you were trained to depend on the world around you.

If you were raised wiser, you would have been allowed to follow your own instincts, so you could learn where your judgment failed you,  so you could sharpen it. You would have learned to trust your own heart and that your ideas matter.  The self confidence that we need as adults.
And as for rewards... you should have learned that the joy of working on something that's connected to your soul and pride over your own endeavor, are the rewards...   Even if you tried and failed.. so you may try again!
No dependency on the society or world around you! It doesn't make a person anti social, but simply more confident. And confident people are healthier and function better.

The adage of finishing your plate first, and do your homework first can have even worse consequences ....
It may spoil your joy of doing something totally unimportant but fun... because oh, you haven't done anything boring before that. Which is your habit. Or there are unfinished tasks lying around...
And you may be a habtiual teeth grinder, working hard at finishing the job before resting... causing a burn out at age 50.

Play first and use the energy it gives to do what really must be done later on. If it still needs to be done! Some matters solve themselves over time.

The Bringer of Good Tidings

The bearer of bad news takes the risk of being killed.
But what about the bearer of good news?

It's easy to mistake the messenger for the message. Or at least to see them as a package deal.
I mean, we're only  human mammals.  Like the dogs of Pavlov, who knew the bell and food were connected - for a while at least.  Until the bell tolled but there was no food.
How long did it take the dogs to stop thinking of food at the sound of the bell?

How easy is it to lose your heart to the person who brings good news. Someone who makes you happy tends to become special, especially if you are surrounded by negativity ...   but it was the message you had to cling to, the information was something to incorporate in your life.
The messenger may hang around for a while. For a rest, or out of curiosity. But as a general rule (s)he is not connected to you nor to the message and thus is not meant to stay in your life. Be smart and don't focus on the bearer of good tidings while letting what they delivered grow stale.
Because ... do you have any idea how much it may cost you to get over letting go of the messenger?