Intermezzo: On Obedience

My “Tangled” blog-post is not coming along as fast as I'd like. I'm thinking of it every day, but my days are too crowded now to write such a complex text. Six weeks from now I'll be unemployed. To get an alternative source of money I'm writing articles for the high sum of $6,- per article (which comes down to less than $3,- per hour on which no one can live in the Netherlands) on top of which I'm reorganizing the house. Moving out of the attic to live downstairs in the living room, like normal people do. The attic will be 'let' to tourists, who either want to spent time in the area of Amsterdam, the Keukenhof or the beach or who just want to spend one or two nights at my house because of the weird times at which their plane leaves / has arrived.

In order to stay involved in the series of Tangled posts, here's a short one that will help explain a thought that is of great importance in the Tangled series. Explaining it here, helps me keep the main text shorter.

It's not the first time I said it, and I will repeat over and over because it's so important:

Obedience is NOT a virtue

OBEDIENCE
When a child makes his homework out of sheer obedience.... it stinks. The act of making one's homework isn't bad, but the motivation is.

Do you see the distinction? Obedience is not an act, it's the motivation behind the act. And it's a d..... shallow one, selfish and dangerous. It's obedience that makes a soldier kill another human being and it's obedience that makes a civil servant choose to break a person, rather than to break an [inappropriate] rule to which said person simply cannot comply. It's the cement of Cults and Sects.

Getting a subject to become obedient requires 

• threats  
• punishments
• keeping the subjects view on life very limited and narrow (withholding the opportunities to experience life in the 'real world')
• cultivating a negative self image within the subject.

Non-verbal

Sandy

Who are the absolute champions of non-verbal communication? With a great genius for love and friendship? Dogs.

I'm thinking of 2 individuals in particular. First one a retriever who happens to live with his owner in my street, at the block I need to pass to reach mine. I met the two of them when were almost home as I happened to pass by, on my way home. The dog looked at me, inquiringly, invitingly and I couldn't resist. I went down on my knees, literally, and started patting and hugging this total stranger. Lucky for us, his owner, a friendly talkative woman, didn't mind. She didn't begrudge her dog his private life and own circle of friends. [ I prefer that kind of dog owners. ]

Now this was not so special.... what makes it special is that two weeks later, the three of us came home around the same time again. But this time the distance between us was larger. I still had a block to pass and a street to cross while the dog with its owner were at their front yard already. The dog looked over its shoulder before turning to its house... saw me... and sat down decidedly. He kept on looking at me, wagging his tail happily, determined not to be led to his house by the woman at the other side of his leash. I walked faster visibly, and the owner smiled, letting me know with a hand signal  -non verbally!-   that she'd wait. But it took way too long according to the retriever. He got up... started to cross the street pulling my neighbor after him. So strong was his impatience for getting a hug from me. Wow, to be appreciated like that!

The other dog... I ran into him or her yesterday, on a little walk through my favorite Dutch city: Haarlem. Walking from the station to the shopping street “Cronjé” you walk past a park. In it there were... yes a dog, not of any known pedigree, and close to him was his owner. The woman had to be, she was the only one in his vicinity and carried a plastic 'sling / stick' for picking up and throwing tennis balls without getting your hands dirty. The woman was holding a mobile phone to her ear while the dog carried the tennis ball in his mouth, waiting for the woman to finish her call. I admired his patience – he looked amused, not bored at all- and I winked at him. Immediately he turned to me, making a short movement with his head “Hey, wanna throw the ball for me?” I imitated his gesture “Sure. I just love throwing balls.”

The tail started wagging and two brown eyes peered helplessly over the ball, that was a bit too big for the mouth... the dog was looking for a way to reach me on the side walk. I halted and looked too.... at the tangled bush that separated us. The dog had already reached it and was now looking for a way through it. But there was no opening or thin patch to let him pass without getting stuck. And if I would work my way through to him... his owner would wonder what kind of person I was and no doubt call the dog to her and leave. The limits of being a decent human being...

So we stood there for a while with the shrub between us, looking at each other, negotiating, wishing, and finally we decided it wasn't meant to be. The dog walked back to his owner, still on the phone, and I slowly walked off. Whenever I looked over my shoulder, the dog still looked at me. Just before a row of large trees would cut him from my view I raised my hand... the dog gave me that same head gesture again, I'm sure it was his way of greeting.

I like thinking back of our encounter. I wonder if he does too.

Photogenic

Jasper - from Beat to Beet.

Another true story 


I love Jasper, my sons white toy duck. He's an egotistical and  silly vain little cheapskate. But disarmingly open.
 I shouldn't be saying all this about him because... I gave Jasper his voice. And his character.  Though I must say my son can take over very well.As you can see in the video in this post.

Jasper's my representative whenever I feel like acting silly or vent my frustrations. So for years I stuffed him in my backpack whenever my son and I went out. Out to a zoo or a simple trip to the supermarket. A boring moment? Out came Jasper and my son and I had lots of fun with him. I remember one day especially well.

    My son and I were sitting in a bus in Haarlem. The bridge nick named "The Paint Roller", spanning the Spaarne, had lifted. In the summer a lot of boats have to pass. Mostly yachts and barges. The line of cars was getting longer and longer. The sun didn't make the waiting any easier...
    In the right lane, just beside 'our' window there was a small car with loud music. It was a miracle the car didn't bounce on the beat of the bass... its driver certainly did. It was at the time that the fashionable "I-don't-know-how-to-dress-code" prescribed that caps should be worn backwards. 
    Jasper was standing on the thin edge at the window next to my seat in the bus. He was feeling hot and bored when he heard that beat... saw that car... and the bouncing driver with his cap turned backwards...  and the white duck felt the devilish urge to poke fun swell up in him. He started an imitation of the young driver with the twisted cap. If Jasper had a cap with him, he would have added it to underline his act. 
    But he didn't have to ... his robotic head jerks and congruent steps got noticed by the driver in the car behind the four wheeled sound box. Same age as the person Jasper was imitating but no loud music, no I-don't-know-how-to-dress-code.
    Jasper got ecstatic. He had a real audience. And what kind of audience. This young man was shaking with laughter. He nudged his companion, seated next to him. He roared too, instantly. Now Jasper's audience had doubled. So the plush duck increased his antics in size and in number. This was true fame, Jasper thought.
    Look, the laughing driver even pulled out his mobile. Would he take a picture?   No, he dialled a number and brought the phone to his ear... The next moment the guy in the car in front, the music box on wheels, answered his phone and looked at the bus, at Jasper. Not by accident but directed by his friend in the car behind him.
    Jasper finished his last move lamely, then froze. Lucky for him he was just a furry toy. He didn't get a head as red as a beet... while three guys were laughing even more.