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Friday, November 11, 2011

Trust 1: Definition

Five letters, such a tiny word. So essential to life. 
Do you really know what Trust is? What it is and what it takes?
Having nothing better to do travelling from my hometown to my training, I decided to trust the crowd of the morning rush hour -that they would not step on me, not read my notes over my shoulder nor pick my pockets- and see if I could figure out why trust comes easy to some and so hard to others. 
Thinking while writing, not knowing where I will end up is what I like most.  Actually: at one point I ended up at a wrong  station, having forgotten to change trains at an earlier  station 
Forgive me if I make wrong linguistic conclusions... I'm not a native english speaker. Sesame Street and MASH were my teachers.

What is Trust?
Trust in God, trust your friends, trust yourself. Trustworthy, untrustworthy.

If you don't have enough Trust in your body, could you go to the general store and buy some? How would that affect your life?
"Goodday sir."
- "Morning ma'am."
- "I'd like to buy some trust."
- "Here you are lady."
I pay the price mentioned. not that I trust the owner in mentioning a fair price. I just don't bargain because I believe that I'm not going to win anyway.

Are believing and trusting the same? I think they're close, they're brothers. But no twins (sorry if I insult twins with that). 'I believe you' or 'I believe in you' is different from 'I trust you'. But how? Please say it again, feel it for yourself.

There seems to be a dependency or cooperation in Trusting someone, that is not necessarily present in Believing. Or Believing is more momentary, more superficial.
Years ago, a colleague said if I needed to talk, I could call him any time, even in the middle of the night. I believed he meant it. At the moment he said it.  But I never made use of the offer. Because he might have forgotten his promise or might feel bad himself, which would render him unable to stick to his promise.
I didn't Believe In him. His strength, his perseverance, his constancy.
No...we're not covering Trust with this example. Yet... I think now that Believing In comes closer to Trust than plain Believing.

Maybe the difference is in the cooperation? Another experiment, to test it.
   1. Newly wed wife says to her husband, who is on his way to a job interview: "..."
   2. Newly wed wife says to her husband, who is about to hunt for a house for the two of them: "..."
    What to enter on the dots?
       A. Go ahead, I trust you.
       B. Go ahead, I believe in you
      I believe Trust is applicable to situation 2. There is a dependency. The wife -voluntarily- depends on her husband for the choice of their new home. Does she place her trust in his capability or in his respect, his love for her? His loyalty?  What if he buys a house she doesn't like, or which turns out to be a cat in the bag?

      I think that is mainly a choice. Or a matter of character, personal beliefs.  [I could use the word convictions here, but then the question arises: are we convicted to our convictions or do we choose them?]
      The more loving the woman is, the least interested she's in the outcome. There's room for forgiveness. So what, if her partner made a mistake?  As long as his intentions were aimed at the welfare of both of them.
      Suppose on the other hand, he bought a house solely based on his own taste. In complete disregard of his wife's interests and taste? Now that would be disloyal. His wife's trust has been betrayed.

      So maybe it is this simple:

      I believe you  =  I know you're honest (right now)
      I believe in you  =  I know you're capable
      I trust you  =  I know you're loyal

      Three virtues, I must say. Of which loyalty is the most important. I believe.

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