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Friday, June 1, 2012

The Modern Prince

Sleeping Beauty

I meant to write a Very Tale as a funny version of Sleeping Beauty, making it a parody on fairy tale cliches. While writing, I forgot the humor causing the romance to bleed to death. Obviously humor plays a vital part in relationships....  In the mean time, a little trick was being played on me by a Higher Force.

"I rarely open the gate at the back of the yard, afraid my rabbit will escape. But now I can hardly reach it. The garden door I mean.  I have to crawl under the rosebush, which came from the wall and is sagging terribly.  I'm being held hostage by it !!   I feel like Sleeping Beauty. Should I put a note on the garden-door telling the prince on the white horse to simply ring the bell on the front door??  What if he's the pauper and I don't see through his scam? I think I might as well not open the front door either."

I wrote this three weeks ago and just let the rosebush go on blocking my way through the garden. Yesterday, looking at it from my attic* I noticed  that it was full of tender yellow rosebuds. OK, I thought, I'll let you live until all your flowers have finished flourishing.  
Below was the sound of breaking glass, of doorposts and window frames being ripped from the wall. I was getting a new fa├žade.  -No, that's not a euphemism for plastic surgery, I'm still more into sleeping than being a beauty.- Instead of slaying the two headed dragon, responsible for getting the job done, I lavished it amply with coffee, to make sure the new windows and front door would be in place soon. The sooner, the better, right? Wasn't my prince on the white horse coming to rescue me from the raging rosebush through the front door? 

This morning only half the dragon returned to round up the renovation. The new door and windows had been in place already, keeping me safe from being abducted during the night. Now only tiny matters like lamps and doorbells needed to be replaced. Tiny but important if you expect a prince to come calling by the front door.
I lavished the one remaining head of the dragon just as dutifully as the day before. While having our coffee, we discoursed about rebuilding houses and the pleasant side effect of that on the selling price. "You must redo your garden too" the One Head advised me. I nodded and complained about my rosebush. A friendly shrug was the response. "I'll be finished around lunchtime and I brought an electric saw. I'll do it for you in no time."  I thought of the budding flowers and looked doubtful... I just didn't want to explain the half-dragon about my sentimental promise to the rosebuds, sensing it would not find fertile soil in him.
My guest practicably pointed out that the dumpster would be next to my house for a only a few more hours. He made my common sense win the internal battle. Unconscious of all this he went down the attic stairs, back to his work, promising me to cut the rose stems. The rest was up to me.
As I watched him retreat a little voice inside of me started to shriek with laughter, seeing the hilarity of the situation... here was my prince rescuing me from the spell of the rosebush! He didn't ride a white horse, but drove a white van. And he definitely had come through the front door!  

After having cut off the rose bush, and the fig tree into the bargain, the prince with the flushed cheeks drove off in his white van. Home to a lady who is already his second princess.  She wants a Siamese. But the prince prefers dogs, so she won't get her cat. He thinks.
He left me with an enormous tangle of thorns, not to be touched with bare hands. And a new doorbell. 
Which I desperately need. Because as soon as the rose bush was slaughtered, a dark knight arrived on the scene with his truck, picking up the dumpster. Way before I could move the rosebush out... 
It's still keeping me imprisoned and I have to watch it whither and die before blooming... a proper punishment for letting common sense win from romance.

* This lady has her living room in the attic, which comes as close to a tower as possible. 

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