Taking a Break

... at home.
Yes, I have to do it. Go on a holiday at home. Simply lay down my worst chores and trade them for some things long overdue.
It's not my son who is tugging at my sleeve, nor my mom or brother. It's me I can't say 'No' to.

I'm trying to build three cities in one day. And when it's not finished before midnight, I'm so annoyed with myself. Suppose I would succeed... it would be done by 'overcropping'. My buildings would be there, but their foundations would be shaky.  And I'm getting to be like that too. By listening to that silly part of me that uses fear and greed as motivators.

I'm retracting my 'short notice' of two weeks ago, I'm going on that holiday!  Where am I going to? I'm going to see  [ sea ;)  ]  whether letting go and NOT working on my dreams with full force is more constructive for them than all my latest investments have been. Funny... I've been here before, I'm back at the well once more

I've already started packing my suitcase: I bought two large plywood planks today... Never worked with my planks on an easel, but I have my mom's easel for working with pastel standing downstairs. Starting this weekend... I'll have dirty hands and jeans but there'll be a tune humming in me. My 'Heartsong' as Matty Stepanek called it.

Jo

Suitcases 4

This train has reached it's final destination...





No matter how you call it, how you write about it: if you really feel you're doing 'something' wrong,   

try taking a look at it from different angles...

(c) 'Lantern Pole being curious' by Jene Jasper.

in any which way. It doesn't have to be by packing your suitcase.
Now , if you come up with ideas for a change for the better... 

- Make sure that this time these ideas are truly yours. Not suggestions taken from others. else you can't stand for your choice when the going gets tough... and it  will get tough if you choose for 'Change'.

- It doesn't matter whether you decide to slowly introduce them or go for the big bang.
Just the plain fact that you are changing course, or tracks, means that your life IS different from now on.

- Don't give in on these ideas, not even after 300 failed attempts... after all, there is beauty even in the attempt: the attempt in itself means you are being true to yourself.  

If the journey means nothing to you, and you are only focusing on reaching your desired destination ....   boy you are closing your eyes for the biggest part of your life. And  you might be disembarking at station "Disappointment" if you turn down the unexpected switches offered to you in your journey.
God [or Fate or Life or Love] 
     may have a better destination in mind for you, than you do yourself!




 

Short Notice

Blogging is put on hold for now...
I need the month November for focusing on my career as  Writer, Researcher, Subtitler and Translator.
So I'll be working on that and boosting up my website "JoJasper.org"

If  time allows it.
    a little post might come up...
Else.
    all blogging will be postponed until December...
 Endif.

You see?  It is high time I switch to a full time career as writer and stop being a programmer.

True to the Child

"Everything is right for me that is right for you, O Universe. 

Nothing for me is too early or too late that comes in due time for you.

Everything is fruit to me that your seasons bring, O Nature"

Marcus Aurelius

I am doing research on the roman era.  No doubt this will influence my posts for a while. Although... right now I'm studying stoicism. And I must say: I have always been very much a Stoic. -Not the weird definition we have of  stoicism now, but one who sees how giving in to Lust can distract you from finding Love- 

The rest of the text for this post is already written down on a paper handkerchief. All I need is the time to type it out as a post.



October 10. 

Thanks to something horrid I suddenly have time to write. While I'm in the middle of sorrow I finish this post that deals with the question "are you content with your life?"  Only my greatest fan(s) understand(s) this weird twist of fate...

December 2011  I introduced a portrait in clay... Eve, the Goddess of change I named her later on. Because my life is changing ever since I started to make her and climbed out of the garbage bag I was in. Was I living in it, or hiding from life I ask myself now? 

Even now that Eve has left my house and lives practically on the other side of the earth.. -to help someone else change his life :)  -  the changes don't stop. And they don't come easily. So naturally I ask myself at the hard moments "Are you satisfied?" 
I decided to pass the question on to the child I was forty years ago.

I remember having on my night stand a small pile of papers with the beginning of a story typed on it. My first "Chapter 1".  I could barely read and already I was addicted to books and drama. I knew what I wanted to be, when I'd grow up... a writer. 

I remember the plot and the plan.  It would be about a classroom with all the classmates in it.. torn off the building by a storm. It would land on some remote, enchanted place and there....  I didn't have any clear idea of actual scenes or dialogs, but I knew it would be about the confrontation between the class's most popular girl and it's ignored "class dummy". This  "wall flower" would step out of the shadow into the light. I just didn't know how. I simply had faith that while writing the story, it would enfold itself.

That is how I write my stories today! Even the theme is one I'd like to work out right now.

So when I ask the child I was whether she's content with how I'm doing now... I know she says "Yes". As I knew for sure several years ago that she'd say "No".  
Not that I've reached all the goals I was dreaming of as a child. But I'm believing in them, reaching for them and putting up a fight whenever I am pushed back into the shadow. And that is how I was at six... openly defending what I thought was right. Not caring whether I got hurt due to the fight. By watching passively I felt hurt so much more. 

Slowly I let my society, and my fears, cover these traits with the dreamless gray dust of forced adaptation. I lost my way. But I've found it back again and I'm determined not to let it get out of sight again.
Look at me, I'm actually writing. Only very few listen, understand and appreciate it, but those few are enough for me to push on. I thank them for their support, right here! 

Is your inner child happy with you?

Jo