The Modern Prince

Sleeping Beauty

I meant to write a Very Tale as a funny version of Sleeping Beauty, making it a parody on fairy tale cliches. While writing, I forgot the humor causing the romance to bleed to death. Obviously humor plays a vital part in relationships....  In the mean time, a little trick was being played on me by a Higher Force.

"I rarely open the gate at the back of the yard, afraid my rabbit will escape. But now I can hardly reach it. The garden door I mean.  I have to crawl under the rosebush, which came from the wall and is sagging terribly.  I'm being held hostage by it !!   I feel like Sleeping Beauty. Should I put a note on the garden-door telling the prince on the white horse to simply ring the bell on the front door??  What if he's the pauper and I don't see through his scam? I think I might as well not open the front door either."

I wrote this three weeks ago and just let the rosebush go on blocking my way through the garden. Yesterday, looking at it from my attic* I noticed  that it was full of tender yellow rosebuds. OK, I thought, I'll let you live until all your flowers have finished flourishing.  

Below was the sound of breaking glass, of doorposts and window frames being ripped from the wall. I was getting a new façade.  -No, that's not a euphemism for plastic surgery, I'm still more into sleeping than being a beauty.- Instead of slaying the two headed dragon, responsible for getting the job done, I lavished it amply with coffee, to make sure the new windows and front door would be in place soon. The sooner, the better, right? Wasn't my prince on the white horse coming to rescue me from the raging rosebush through the front door? 

This morning only half the dragon returned to round up the renovation. The new door and windows had been in place already, keeping me safe from being abducted during the night. Now only tiny matters like lamps and doorbells needed to be replaced. Tiny but important if you expect a prince to come calling by the front door.

I lavished the one remaining head of the dragon just as dutifully as the day before. While having our coffee, we discoursed about rebuilding houses and the pleasant side effect of that on the selling price. "You must redo your garden too" the One Head advised me. I nodded and complained about my rosebush. A friendly shrug was the response. "I'll be finished around lunchtime and I brought an electric saw. I'll do it for you in no time."  I thought of the budding flowers and looked doubtful... I just didn't want to explain the half-dragon about my sentimental promise to the rosebuds, sensing it would not find fertile soil in him.

My guest practicably pointed out that the dumpster would be next to my house for a only a few more hours. He made my common sense win the internal battle. Unconscious of all this he went down the attic stairs, back to his work, promising me to cut the rose stems. The rest was up to me.

As I watched him retreat a little voice inside of me started to shriek with laughter, seeing the hilarity of the situation... here was my prince rescuing me from the spell of the rosebush! He didn't ride a white horse, but drove a white van. And he definitely had come through the front door!  

After having cut off the rose bush, and the fig tree into the bargain, the prince with the flushed cheeks drove off in his white van. Home to a lady who is already his second princess.  She wants a Siamese. But the prince prefers dogs, so she won't get her cat. He thinks.

He left me with an enormous tangle of thorns, not to be touched with bare hands. And a new doorbell. 
Which I desperately need. Because as soon as the rose bush was slaughtered, a dark knight arrived on the scene with his truck, picking up the dumpster. Way before I could move the rosebush out... 

It's still keeping me imprisoned and I have to watch it whither and die before blooming... a proper punishment for letting common sense win from romance.

 

* This lady has her living room in the attic, which comes as close to a tower as possible. 

Women

They come in various shapes, sizes and colours. They differ in sound, style and character. Fate has it that I'm one as well. I know it's not always a 50-50 chance, but I think in my family it was.

At times I run into a soul mate. A smile, a joke and immediately I know there's a sameness in spirit.

But other times.... I may sit next to a woman who makes me feel awkward. As if I'm excelling in boorishness, in unrefinement. Totally lacking in graces... These negative feelings about myself make it hard for me to like my neighbour. It's not fair, I know. These women, fellows of my gender, may not think so badly of me. It's just that I've been impressed in the late sixties -by those who raised or educated me- with what I ought to be like, not having been born a boy. This hampers me at moments that self esteem runs low....

Yes the opposite at times happens too. There are ways of being a woman that lie outside the range of my 'ambition' so to speak.

At my better moments, if I see  a woman smile to her youngster, play, laugh at a child's prank as old as life... give advise or just frown, mutter, jank or maybe even scold ... I know she went through those same last stages of pregnancy and labor like I did. Or maybe through the trials and tensions that make adoptions not easier and definitely no less loving than when nature has granted you the ability to have a child that is genetically related. I know this woman went through teething and the tantrums of the terrible two's, wondering whether puberty would really be worse than that...

Then I realize that deep down we are not so different, that we are resilient and creative creatures, curious and caring.

When I see anyone of us with a partner who is just not treating her -us- in a way I can call respectful, my toes curl in my shoes. Will she open her eyes, I question myself, and end up with someone else who gives her the respect she deserves -and needs- . Or better yet, will she be able to hang in and manage to uncover the gold she somehow feels must be residing in her counterpart ?

Because, despite of our difference in looks, manners and style, we are all valuable creatures.

Puberty and Peers

My 13 year old son is not 'pubering' in full swing yet, he agrees with me too often.   

[note: the dutch have turned puberty into a verb]                                                                      

His Royal Highness taking a nap

But the Persian prince definitely has reached puberty. He refuses to let [grand]father Joost groom his fur, so now his beautiful coat is becoming more ragged every day. The prince that looks like a pauper.... Time for me to take over from Joost.

The prince, his name is Diego but his owners call him Jake, is spending a lot of time downstairs with Mario, the cat with bi-coloured eyes, the cat that likes to fight with poor old Joost. The cat with the drinking problem. 

It is obvious to me that Jake takes Mario as his peer. Jake is now kicking the water bowl the same way as Mario does. And I'm sure Jake doesn't have Mario's fear of sticking his nose in too far. He just copies his friend's behaviour.

The Halloween Cat

  

I guess I live in a house full of weirdo's anyway.  My rabbit is very fond of cats for company, she tries to come close to them and sleep with them. She allows them to sleep in her cage.  Except for Jake. She doesn't see him as a cat... 

For birds she has zero tolerance. I've seen Plurkis chasing out magpies and caught her dashing out from the bushes, jumping on two pigeons.

So several times a week I fill a small bowl with cat cookies and put it in the garden, to attract some more friends for my rabbit.  But what did I notice from the corner of my eye last week?  A little blackbird standing at the bowl, swallowing the cat cookies... Plurkis didn't mind. Anyone who eats cat food is welcome!

Apologies for the quality of the clip. It was my very first production.

No Title

(c) JoAnne Lakefield Jasper ;    May 2012

Feeling

What is that?   OK, for the pragmatical and the scientist who is in need of calculable matter, it's a bunch of hormones. But whát is it ?

It is definitely a physical thing too, it can be felt in our organs... like a weird sea sick sense in the stomach, changes in our heartbeats, or a throat tightening up. I am not talking about the adaptive reactions in fight or flight situations, that conserve energy and help us focus our strength on the only thing of vital importance: running or punching.

No, I'm talking about emotions like feeling so lonely and lost it makes you feel as if your chest cavity is being scratched empty with a paint scraper.  Feeling so awkward and ashamed that you don't want to attract any attention... and then you blush.  Grieving so hard it comes to tears ...  deep silent joy given away by more tears. 

And what ís the use, in terms of natural selection, of tears and upset mucous membranes? A bride blowing her nose behind her veil is not a pretty sight. And if she manages to imitate a fog horn, she's not a pretty sound either. It might set the groom running -while the 'curtain' is still down-. I don't see the evolutionary advantage in that...

Maybe we need tear filled eyes to stop us from looking at what is either too ugly to witness or too beautiful to behold ?

Could we experience feelings if there was no physical component in it ? Could I feel down if my body was still joyously taking in all stimuli form the surrounding world ? Could I.. no wrong example, I was about to say 'smile while experiencing pain' but some people smile through their tears, so the answer's yes. Could I do some spontaneous dance steps while suffering from a deep wish for a hug?

If there were no physical sensations attached to our emotions, our languages would surely be a lot poorer. How could you stomach that? I didn't have the heart for it. And a nice Dutch one: he was standing with his mouth full of teeth, which is in plain (?) English: he put his foot in his mouth. A bit of a problem with proprioceptive information, I gather?

Maybe God was being a cheap skate. Or pragmatical... Using the same neurotransmitters for body functions as for emotions. I know that a bad mood causes stomach problems. While stomach ache makes people sour and angry. Suppose He used very different hormones for feelings and body parts. How big should our brains be and how many more organs would we need ?

I'm walking a side line here. My original question should be read like ... how can events, tragedies, romances etc. that are outside our own lives, arouse emotions in us? Even if these events are in art, in music or in stories?

Why all these questions, why this post?

Can't you tell? I just saw a movie... and now I wish I had never bought the DVD.

More Clouds [S-serie 5]

Why the clouds ?

Obviously I'm being critical on Scientology. It came up when I checked out the subjects of sects for my blog post on forgiveness and on science & technology.

Reading Hubbard's Axioms of Scientology made me feel like stepping into a science fiction story. Brainy, stripped of human feeling. Some self acclaimed leader, telling the world how it is constructed and that his doctrine is The truth... no room for mystery, for different opinions, no kaleidoscope. Totalitarianism breathes through it.

The Axioms were appalling, yet I felt a sneaky interest in finding out if I could 'get into the psyche' of the author. So I decided to focus on Scientology.

During the first phase of my study – I can be brainy too :-) - I didn't want to be biased by reading negative articles about Ron Hubbard, but while searching the internet I couldn't help catching some lines. Affirming my spontaneous feelings... Ron Hubbard was author of a range of science fiction stories

I now have “Dianetics” and “What is Scientology” in the windowsill, close to my desk. I have tried reading them from beginning to end, but I just can't do it.

First because the message becomes clear very soon, Hubbard just goes on repeating it, using different words, conjuring up a variety of examples... but the message stays the same. Now if his literary style were mesmerizing or at least catchy, but it is not. He seems to think his audience is not gifted with great intelligence. He's condescending and his repetition makes him quite 'dictatorial'. I get annoyed when people talk 'down' on me, especially when they are only repeating themselves.

The other reason for not being able to go through the books entirely, is because I felt dirty every time I had read a few pages. I just had to do something else to get rid of that feeling.

Years ago, during times of depression and being put under pressure by others, I've often worked with wood. It's smell, it's 'feel', gave me a certain steadiness and quiet strength. It helped me put milling thoughts to rest. I haven't touched wood for quite some time however. Strangely enough, since I started reading texts from Hubbard, I have picked up a new hobby: creating pastel drawings on wood. Coincidence?

I started to wonder what sense it would make, putting such an effort in a futile scheme. Scientology is about sixty years old, how could I think to get any understanding of it in a short time? Impossible, the track record of Scientology is way too big for a small time writer like me. I have other things on my mind as well!

Yes, I have been busy, too busy, the last few months, so profane things like calendars have been scandalously neglected by me. This Scientology itch didn't make things better. But for some silly odd reason just when I had enough of it, I noticed my Tolle Calendar, next to my refrigerator, was still on February while we were already in the first week of May. I took it from the wall to change it. Of course not without reading the February quote first... and it put me back in place:

“When you listen to a thought, you are aware not only of the thought but also of yourself as the witness of the thought. As you listen, you feel a conscious presence -your deeper self- behind or underneath the thought.” [Source: February of my Tolle Calendar]

I recognised my own theory. About the difference between what is 'Socially Accepted' as knowledge but which is actually reasoning and a deeper knowledge, which is just Knowing. It doesn't need reasoning or calculus because it already knows... Eckhart Tolle's “conscious presence”.

So there was my mistake: I had been looking at Hubbard's reasoning with my own reasoning.... to complete that I would have to work my way through 1000 pages at least, each of which made me feel dirty. And the 'answer', the entry for my analysis was already clear: the feelings that Hubbard's writing gave me. I was right in sensing he was into writing science fiction. The impression of being dirty was just another form of that direct Knowledge.

But how to make it a bit more usable, acceptable, for publication? After all, the knowledge-by-reasoning is the Socially Accepted Knowledge, while my so called True Knowledge is often regarded as fallible guessing.

“To judge a book, look at the table of contents” … in time I remembered the words of my geography teacher. Apart from an academical degree in biology I have also been trained as a librarian... so I knew of more sophisticated ways that might replace the table of contents. A little web surfing made my boat strand at 'TagCrowd' where one can upload texts as large as Hubbard's entire Dianetics and have it analysed in seconds. An intricating site that kept me playing with texts and analyses for quite a while. But I had what I was looking for: an an overview of the main terms in Dianetics. Hubbard's vocabulary, an insight into subjects close to his heart.

This is a word cloud of the 100 most frequently used words in “Dianetics”.

Where is love or any other word that expresses affection? They aren't there. Ron Hubbard only dedicates one chapter to love, not enough to be noticed by a Text Analyser.

Hubbard can write really stunning about love and forgiveness in a short article on the Scientology site [“What is Greatness”] But why is it of such minor importance in one of his most important books? The book that is considered to be the basics of Scientology.

The book mentions the word love 60 times, all in all. There is the 5 page chapter entitled Love. It deals only with the relationship between a man and a woman and seems to mock it to pieces. No wonder, Hubbard doesn't really separate the lust part from the love part, [to keep it simple]. What he describes is either extremely annoying or laughable.

Outside this chapter he mentions love too. Sometimes as enjoying, but mostly he writes about the love of an adult for the child (s)he raises. And don't you dare to show love when a child is sick, sad or at it's wits end... you condition the child to become a person who enters these negative states in order to receive love.

For Man, humanity, Hubbard seems to replace the word love often with pleasure or happiness. But they cover only part of love. If overvalued they are bound to result in egotism.

This cloud stuff may function well as a warning system, but it is not much deeper than judging a book by it's cover. Scientology being the book, Dianetics and other scriptures of Ron Hubbard being it's cover.

Cover as in covering up.... a system that, according to many reports, does work as most sects do [see my Forgiveness post] no matter how hard Scientology claims to be a religion and publishes judicial decisions on their behalf.

The only one who can have any real feelings about Scientology is the one who is involved in it, while having her or his ears open for the own inner voice. A free thinker.

Is that allowed in Scientology? It threatens the system, it must be 'entheta' and therefore forbidden. Be it fact or fiction.

Clouded Minds [S-serie 4]

People who feel their minds, their feelings, or at least their lives are clouded, like to get help from others. 

Here we enter a situation that holds a paradox... you seek help because your judgment is impaired. So how do you know that the help offered really is Helpful? And not just another mistake or worse... a trap?

My geography teacher gave me great advise. He taught me not to judge a book by its cover. He wasn't talking psychology, he meant it literally.  Instead one had better take a look at the table of contents, he said. And it's true: you don't only see the subjects the author is dealing with, but also the logic of his reasoning. And if you are in for a bit of calculus... you can estimate how deep the author is digging into his subjects.
A book of 589 pages with only one chapter about love, 5 pages in all, would you choose that book if you wanted to read about love? [Which book is that? Just check the next post...]

There is a new technology that I believe equals the value of the table of contents: text analyser programs, that list the words that are most frequently used in the text.  They are nbest when they display the relative frequency graphically. Like word clouds. It gives a handle to judge the book by...   If only we could do that with people too ?

Here are four word clouds with the 30 most frequently used words in digital documents.  The bigger the words represent a higher frequency of use. All texts come from people who are known for helping people getting on the right track. And the texts are about their viewpoints .  Answer at least to yourself: from whom - of these four-  would you take advise and who is allowed to help you chase away the clouds and the fog in your life?

Mr A.

Mr B.

Mr C.

Mr D.

This is not a right or wrong quiz. It is learning to listen to your instincts, the site of Deep [True] Knowledge.  There are no sentences here that form a made up theory to sway you. No colorful cover masking an ugly plot.  So all you can go by is ....

Who are Mr A, B,C and D ? First make your own choice, who would you turn to? Then just follow this link.... Actually, it is the continuation of this post!

Let Go

Here are a few lines that are not from me. I feel I should pass them on, so they can inspire more people.

Firstly I like what Barry Neil Kaufman has said, in relation to his program "Parenting Solution".   The three things a parent should do, are:

Love

Guide 
Let Go

And under my breath I always add...  

Leave the Gate open  

so your children know they are always welcome to return for a bit more...

Is Letting Go not a way to love someone?  Just as I like to  [try to]  let go of my butterfly friends?

Letting Go

Letting Go doesn't mean that you stop loving
It's recognizing you can't perform your loved one's task

Letting Go isn't shutting yourself up
It means realizing you can't control the other

Letting Go is refraining from manipulation
Allowing things to happen by themselves 

Letting Go is no longer fighting your lack of power
And accepting the outcome doesn't lie in your hands

Letting Go is not trying to change or blame the other,

And trying to make the most of it for yourself

Letting Go is caring about

instead of caring for

Letting Go is lending a hand

instead of taking things out off someone's hands

Letting Go is not passing judgement
And allowing the other to be himself

Letting Go is not enforcing a commitment
It's accepting the other must go his own way

Letting Go is to refrain from protecting
So the other can learn to deal with reality

Letting Go is admitting you can't shape other people's lives
and can only live up to your own potential instead.

Letting Go is having less fears 

and giving so much more of your love

I have translated  these lines myself, because I have only ever seen them in dutch. I never found out who the author is. If anyone knows...  please let me know. Add a comment or check out my email address in my profile.

Butterflies

Just a  thought.. coming in between posts.

I like to see my friends as butterflies...

The beauty of a butterfly is not limited to its wings.

It's also in his flight.
 

Holding the creature in your hand

is restricting your own joy.
 

Letting go and watching

is an important part of friendship.

Of any relationship.

  Jo

Science and Technology [S-serie 3]

"The problem that keeps churning and churning in my 

mind is, How can I ever instil enough love and warmth

and sunshine into those bleak little lives? And I am not 

sure that the doctor's science will accomplish that."

'Dear Enemy' Jean Webster 1915

Since keeping faith in Someone who is rarely physically present is hard, it's understandable that many people discard religion. 

But having nothing to believe in, no greater power to trust, is just as hard. Not rarely is a more secure, calculable replacement sought to fill in the gap. Something reliable to lean on. 

While studying biology I saw it happen often enough. Some of those smart students tried to convince me to side with them. Claiming that the impossibility, and superfluity of God is proven by Science and Technology.

I made the drawing below in the period when I discovered that some people actually substitute religion by having faith in science and technology. I made the drawing to express my sense of shock.

Little did I know that 21 years later, the writing of the previous post  -Forgiveness, the daughter of Love-  would make the drawing significant again, and bring back to my memory someone I met during my very very short career as aspirant psychiatric nurse. 

All this because I took a peek at the ideas, the axioma's, behind Scientology. 

It'll be the subject of my next post...

... initiated by the conclusion that Forgiveness is the daughter of Love.

The Western Culture considers itself better than primitive cultures 

with animal and human sacrifices

Philosophical Exercise 2 [S-serie 2]

Just something one can think about, to stop his mind from ... doing something else.


Belief can live well without Proof. What is Proof anyway?  A self acclaimed king, whose throne is made up by assumptions. One assumption may some day turn out to be wrong and the king will fall flat on his face.  Proof is as biased as Hell.

True Knowledge isn't built upon theories filled with assumptions. It's a gut feeling. And it's Belief's helper.

Veel wordt bewezen dat toch in de grond niet waar is

en veel is eeuwig waar ofschoon het bewijs niet daar is 

P.A. de Genestet (1829-1861)

Many things are proven even though they are untrue 

and many eternal truths will remain unproven for all time

Unforgiving Religions [contin. of Forgiveness; S-serie 1b]

Currently I'm writing a new story, not intended for my blog... about the question: who owns a character: the author or the director? Or the actor? Who gives it spice, life, and personality?

I might as well extend the question to who owns a religion? Our Creator, or those who play the role of religious leader here on earth? Or maybe its followers?

I believe that some parts of the big religions, and some lesser movements in their entirety, are not owned by God. They are created by his 'ground personel' using His Name, however you may spell that name.

I shan't comment on the intentions behind it, because I could only guess at that... and I don't want to run down any good intentions. But I know that the quality of the message shows the ownership is not always claimed Above. The message of Wisdom, Love, Forgiveness and even Responsibility- which may result in disobedience if necessary- .

I think most of us will feel or know what I mean all by themselves, but maybe  a few examples of what I mean would serve as affirmative illustrations? Or illustrative affirmations.

I have already mentioned them as usually being entirely man-made: sects. Main characteristics of sects is that the movement often turns out to be -economically- profitable for its leaders. So what, everyone is at risk of losing his fortune to a smooth talking and treacherous person some time in his life. Even outside the field of religion. Far worse is that many sects use fear as a tool to sustain itself. And how easy is it to use on those who are drawn to a sect, people who are desperate for fulfilment, for some truth to hold on to, for belonging. People that are -at least at that moment- vulnerable and weak.

The new religious movements are often, not exclusively, inspired by Christianity or oriental religions. Some are interesting mixtures,... a drop of this, a sniff of that, stir a little … enjoy. Enjoy until you feel the message of your new religion is not as satisfying, as truthful as you thought. Then you find out you're caught: leaving is impossible. Or extremely difficult, dangerous.

Obedience is required and the system will make sure you'll stick to that. It must, or else the system might not survive. If it doesn't offer loyalty, it doesn't expect it in return either, right?

So instead of loyalty the system uses severe punishments and an unforgiving attitude to bind it's members. How else can a system, OK a belief, set an otherwise healthy person up to participating in organised suicide, for instance? An interesting phenomenon for an evolutionary biologist like myself. Even Natural Selection doesn't require this from it's subjects. [Read post 3b about Trust Living according to the rules of natural selection is a basic level to live your life.]

Another religious movement that is being criticized, and doing a bad advertising campaign for it's source of inspiration is the catholic church. Some of it's followers need therapy too, like people who have fled from a sect.

I always marvel at the existence of a -mostly masculine- 'army' complete with ranks and promotions in a christian system. How can such an old religious movement go against it's own Inspiration?

Take mother Theresa who wanted to live the life of the Good Samaritan: the church tried to forbid, and at least discouraged her to try to change the ways of the order into a life inspired by the bible and it's message of Love to all. Equally. Regardless.

What about the -to some priests untenable- vow of celibacy? Is it biblical? Is it christian? [Saint] Peter was married -even had his mother in law in his house ☺ - yet he was chosen by Jesus for becoming an Apostle. And not the least of the Apostles.

The celibacy is an unnecessary rule and a dangerous one in a system that survives by obedience. The punishment for breaking this rule must be severe, seeing that it is broken often secretly, [ab]using innocent followers who hardly dare to protest, afraid of the retribution passed on to them...

See how a fear based system works: those who suffer from fear, make others suffer the same way. If no one has the guts to stand up against it, it will be passed on perpetually. A cruel example of the Droste Girl.

Does my ranting on the functioning of sects and the catholic church mean that I believe the ownership of a religion lies most often in the hands of its leaders? No. I don't think any leader would have effect if he had no one who followed him or at least supported his belief. Followers are pretty good at maintaining their community using fear as tool. The strict forms of protestantism, like the so called 'black stockings church' in my country use “social control”. Now if it were based on a desire to help one another in being their unique selves... it would be great. Alas, the social control often means backbiting and telling on each other. Which is, to use an old fashioned word, disgraceful. Good word anyway: it means grace,   benefaction, beneficence, benevolence, favour, generosity, goodness, goodwill, kindliness, kindness   , is absent . It definitely is.

Isn't this a struggle as old as humanity? To see the difference between true spiritual worship and the influence of human rules and need for control, shaping religion? From the golden calf, past Jesus' arguments with pharisees and clearing the temple area from the profiteers, to [st.] Paul and other evangelists reprimanding the new christian communities in their letters. How much human influence did these authors try to exert already?

And who am I to judge? I am just as human and fallible as those others I have now been writing about. God knows, maybe I was picking at the speck in my neighbour's eye, while having a log in my own eye. [That's Matthew again. 7:1-5]

There is a similarity between judging and forgiving! They both have the same effect on the one who passes it, as on the one who receives it. Both are a sword that cuts at both edges. But only the cuts from judging are hurtful.

Judging is better left to God. I don't think he needs me for it. And may do so very little. You'd be surprised at who you'll be meeting in heaven ☺☺

Instead, you'd better spend your energy on living a positive, radiant life. Keeping faith pure, in the absence of the One you're supposed to trust, is hard. And the less reinforcing messages you receive, the harder it is to keep on trusting and believing. [See again post 3a on Trust and Faith.]

You can seek advise and support from fellow followers and spiritual leaders, but in the end, it's up to your own conscience and responsibility to stay as pure and close to God as you can.

I have rule of thumb... I wouldn't want to worship God through a religion that makes Him less forgiving than we humans can be towards each other.

Forgiveness, the daughter of Love [S-serie 1]

Doing some profane and simple work gives my thoughts a chance to roam. I don't remember which route my thoughts had taken this time, but I can't overlook their conclusion: Forgiveness must be the daughter of Love.

I guess as a Christian I might state that Forgiveness is the Son of God.

But that doesn't alter my train of thoughts... Hop on please. The ride is free!

Forgiving means disregarding -out of Love !- your principles, your requirements, your own limits and limitations as you decide to keep on passing on your positive feelings to the one who has transgressed your moral boundaries. You give respect, help, kindness... [all friends of Love] in spite of it all. Freeing the other of Love's opponents, like  Guilt and Shame. And yourself of maybe Anger, Vengeance, Victimhood, Disempowerment.

If you forgive the right way, you are serving a cup of humility for two.

Some claim the idea that a deed needs forgiving is the worst way of thinking: because it means judging the deed as bad. Where being 'unjudgemental'... forgiving would be redundant, even impossible. There is nothing to forgive.But that is going a bit too far, even for me, who likes to stretch things. 
For instance, I like to argue that obedience is actually a bad habit. Because it includes acting without taking your own ideas into account. It is following blindly. I prefer people who think and decide on complying only if the act agrees with their own conscience. What else is a conscience for?

[And.. we have a conscience around 9 years of age... please allow children to practise living with it!! Don't force them into obedience.]

You may not always be knowledgeable enough for deciding by yourself. In that case you should only act out of trust. Trusting the one who gave the order.

Obedience doesn't necessarily include trust. It is more often done out of fear for punishment. By some powerful person, like the class bully. Or for being sanctioned by the social group you belong to, the group that issued the order. That can be a group of schoolmates, your family, your country. Or your religious group.

And Fear... is the antagonist of Love.

Late Bloomer and Misfit

The drawing was made about 20 years ago. 

It's called "Waiting For The Day..."

Extract from Mulan (c) 1998 Disney Enterprises Inc. 

Voice: Soon-Teck Oh as Fa Zhou

And this tulip is worth a closer look...

I've made the drawing and the photo myself.

The audio clip is an extract from Mulan  (c) 1998 Disney Enterprises Inc.
Voice: Soon-Teck Oh as Fa Zhou

Though this recording is subject to copyright, its use is covered by the U.S. fair use laws because:

1. It doesn't limit the copyright owner's rights to sell the film in any way, in fact, it may encourage sales.
2. Because of the length of the recording, it cannot be used to make illegal versions of the movie or soundtrac.
3. The recording is part of the subject of the article, which is not used for commercial purposes.

Childhood Friends

We met on the playground.

You know that large open space with slides, climbing frames, swings and the inevitable sandpit. Is it bottomless or not?
Where you discover all about yourself and about socializing with others? Where you can experiment with Life and expand? 
Where I learned what discrimination feels like and that it is held up by the so called lower classes just as well. Where a bloody knee didn't always come from being clumsy on the monkey bars.

Yes, that's where we met. Can you imagine the tension in me, running into a stranger in that place?

But there was that big swing I wanted to give a try. And he was standing real close to it. Was he going to stop me? No, he felt like swinging too and the big swing was a bit hard to handle for one... So we mounted it, the two of us... both surprised at having such fun together. Apart from the swing we found out there was more to uncover and enjoy on that playground. So that's where we meet regularly now. I guess you could say we are Childhood Friends.

Jo

True Friends

   How can you know a friend is true?

   Friendship should make one feel happy, right? But not just in receiving. In giving also. And maybe not straight away, or not at all times. And maybe not that exuberant kind of joy, but one like little gems you can make a necklace with after a long time. Or that you carry with you in your 'pocket' [your memory; translator's note.]

   Fact is true friends don't leave when things are going bad. That's when they support you. Or you support them. 
Just watch ... any help from a friend triggers the wish to pay it back. Or forward.

   I do not agree with Ecclesiastes, when he claims that Frustration is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. (Eccl. 7:3).

   I remember feeling very tired once, while on my way to my work. I was fearing the next 6 hours I had to spend behind my desk... At a crossing I had to slow down my bike to let an elderly woman cross the bike path with her shopping trolley. She stopped and motioned for me to go first. Slowly I increased my speed... then she smiled at me. And I smiled back at her. In that short moment, in which we made a connection, I felt all my wearyness disappear. I felt wide awake and strong and relaxed.

   Now which friends make me feel that way? Joyful, supported, supportive and connected.

   What about the High Self Esteem I'm so often writing about? Without it, you will not act, having been delayed by doubts and being put off by your fear of failure. With sufficient Self Esteem you will either know you won't fail, or simply not mind failing [failing can be fun and it opens doors]. Self Esteem is not like being vain or egocentric. It simply makes you feel comfortable around others and you connect to others easily. You don't pull away, being too shy, but you 'radiate' something that disarms others. It is allowing you to spontaneously help and share, because you don't believe that people will turn your offers down disdainfully. Self Esteem definitely is a true friend.

   I don't like naming the obvious true friends... did you think of this candidate: Responsibility? True friend or false friend?   
   Irresponsibility, after some unthoughtful acts, leaves you in the midst of havoc and remorse. Definitely a false friend.
   What does Responsibility create? It makes you a person who wants to act wisely, a person who will deserve respect -and no doubt will get it from those who are wise enough to recognise its value-. It will keep you far away from regretting things, so you can spend your talent, your power, on going after your soul's deepest wish.

   Answer: true!!

   Last but definitely not least ...Lady Love, Lady Fear's antagonist... Love, not to be mistaken for lust, is not exuberant. Yes it is a happy and powerful feeling inside you, but it remains modest even though it's as strong as steel. To me, it gives a sense of fulfilment. Love can make you laugh or jest, but it is not flaunting, fleety or flamboyant. Yes it is flaming, but without burning you up. It warms you and everyone around you. What more heart warming friend can you wish for?

Love is patient and kind.

Love knows neither envy nor jealousy.

Love is not forward and self-assertive,

nor boastful and conceited.

She does not behave unbecomingly,

nor seek to aggrandize herself,

nor blaze out in passionate anger,

nor brood over wrongs.

She finds no pleasure in injustice done to others,

but joyfully sides with the truth.  

She knows how to be silent.

She is full of trust, full of hope,

full of patient endurance.

[1 Corinthians 13;4-7]

Jo 

back to false friends -->